it was true that some stuff change ..

maybe it wasn't what I used to believe in , that some of our ideas , concepts and maybe values might change according to what we see, it was always hard for me to believe that there's that holy and only true concept that we all have to believe in , cause we were created differently , minds are not the same , shapes are not the same even thoughts are not the same , I see them all from above , maybe above from my balcony or a high place where I always like to stand  when facing a huge problem or a huge according to  my definition to huge cause it might be just a feeling , I stand to feel that it's nothing and we are all small , tiny bodies and voices functioning on this earth , making troubles and moments , we should change . we have to change or we wont be vivid enough, yes  change but  according to your thoughts not them , what makes you happier and more settled in your own space , what gives inner power and peace with the energy to move on and love .

but we can't Deal with us

They come to us  to ask for our help , our ideas and  the solutions that we are thinking about ,

we look at their problem as the easiest thing to deal with on this planet and suddenly you become an expert psychiatric  who can solve any struggle .

you  weakness point is  your problem cause all the simplicity suddenly fades away ,suddenly disappears ,you become surrounded by barriers in a daze , blaming faces , shouting voices .

Maybe sometimes we need to imagine that our problem is someone else's  so we can solve it better .

we make ourselves complicated for no reason , it's sad .

My heart has to take a permission 

Maybe sometimes we translate some  actions in our heads to feel them the way we like , things are not always the way they look like they are, but we hate this fact , it’s an ugly one , very ugly , who said we can’t live it our way ? yes maybe we’ll get hurt , maybe we’ll get shocked but at the end it’s a beautiful experience or maybe we can say a deep one .

You can convince yourself that this is what you want when it’s not so maybe, I’ll just encourage the idea of being emotional sometimes, and I’ll say let your heart feel it and let your heart lead you, being logical all the time is pretending and the last thing I want is to pretend, but heart does it wrong sometimes, so they tell you to balance between them, your heart and your brain, is it really possible ? can Humans keep balancing everything before doing it ? or every decision before making it ? I think I’ll choose the emological Part .. 

when you get this feeling

It's hard to decide something when you're sure that it's not what you want

Surroundings force you sometimes , conditions also

I know it's the right thing to do but still it doesn't make me happy

Deep inside there's something missing , a warm voice that used to make my nights safe

People just talk, they can never feel

Even if they were your closest , that secret inside of your heart is really precious

Dear  time , they say you solve everything , solve this.

make sure they are happy and safe , Run faster and make me see them again. 

this made me realize

it's not my first time to enter the hospital but this time made me realize many stuff , first of all to be graceful for being alive and breathing cause life is really  bigger than all of the problems, we always hear motivational  quotes and supporting words but never thought they worth effort , believe  me having this body and this brain is a real gift , everyone was created for a reason and of course it's not wasting your time and walking pointlessly around  it's a huger reason , your smarter than that , take a hot long shower and be thankful then start all over .
it is just amazing

thank you god for everything and I have to believe in you cause I always feel like there's something bigger than all of this , thank you